Dilbert Quotes

A MAGAZINE RECENTLY RAN A "DILBERT QUOTES" CONTEST. THEY WERE LOOKING
FOR PEOPLE TO SUBMIT QUOTES FROM THEIR REAL-LIFE DILBERT-TYPE
MANAGERS.

HERE ARE THE TOP TEN FINALISTS:

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will be able to access the building only
with individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday
and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the
winning quote from MS)

2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might
encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should
be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat
Company)

4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United
Parcel Service)

5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant
manager, Delco Corporation)

6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll
let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota
Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have
to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could
change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."

(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not
going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T
long Lines
Division)

10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him
concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would
be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited
until tomorrow to ask for it!" (Hallmark Cards executive)